A Soft Place to Land

Today my boy is coming home from college for the summer! As I type my husband is driving to pick him up from school. They’ll load up all the things we crammed into his tiny freshman dorm room, and just like that, his first year of college will come to a close.

I’m so proud of him! He’s flourished this year, made a bunch of new friends, had a lot of good fun, and balanced a rigorous academic schedule. In some ways, I can’t believe how fast this year has flown by because it has also felt like the longest year of my life.

Moving him into his dorm room was the most surreal experience. Driving there I kept flashing back to the day we drove him home from the hospital after he was born. How nervous we were then as brand new completely clueless parents, and how nervous we were 18 years later as this baby was ready to fly from the nest.

And no one prepared me for the tsunami of emotions. Or maybe I just wasn’t in a place to fully grasp how wild this next rollercoaster would be until it was my turn to get on the ride. The absolute joy of watching your child chase their dreams and the utter devastation of letting them do the very thing you’ve been raising them to do, it’s crazy how you can feel both of those emotions at the same time. Eighteen years sounds like such a long time while you’re tiredly nursing an infant at 3 a.m. But really, it’s just a blink.

A friend often jokingly refers to her kids as anchors. And funny enough, for a lot of the past year I’ve felt a bit lost at sea. Trying to find my way in this new phase of motherhood.

I feel like up until now I’ve always known what the next right step is, like so much of the path has already been laid before me. What to expect when you’re expecting, potty training, school plays, class parties, reading logs and flashcards, sleepovers, dances, driving, SATs……but when all those stepping stones are behind you? I’ve felt…..unsure. His next step isn’t up to me, it’s up to him.

And if I’m being completely honest, it’s taken me a whole year to find the joy and excitement in that thought, to realize that he really is ready. He doesn’t need the training wheels any longer. I don’t have to obsessively check Life 360. He’s raised. And while my job title as mom will always remain, my duties have changed. And that’s a good thing for him and for me.

But mostly, I’m happy to be a soft place for him to land this summer. ?

To all of you mommas getting ready to watch your babies graduate from high school, I see you. Don’t hide your tears, you’ve earned them!

Next year, when it’s my girl’s turn to use her wings, well, I might just have an actual breakdown watching my last baby fly. ? But for now, I’m going to enjoy having them both in the nest this summer.

*See more of this black-and-white family photo wall here.